Monday, July 28, 2014

How growing up made you appreciate how far you've become?

I closed my eyes, make a wish, one deep breath, held it for a second and exhaled out forcefully. That one-second, my eyelids shut, and the winning smile on my face. Yes, I did it in one breath and I thank God for giving me another year to celebrate life.

Celebrating first time, my 27th b-day in UAE. ~HAPPY NATAL DAY! 

When you turn 18, you think you know everything… and then you turn 21, and you’re amazed by just how fragile your former 18-year-old self was. She was insecure and so, so confused. She was ready to take a bite out of the world, but terrified of leaving home. She was ready to take shots off some stranger’s at the bar, but worried sick about whether or not that guy from Psych 101 was just being fake nice to her out of obligation rather than interest.

And then you turn 23 and you just want to hug your 21-year-old self, tell her everything is going to be all right. You feel like you’ve mastered something now that you’re 23, like the world is finally ready for you, like there’s a space for you somewhere and all you have to do is find it, fit into it and hold on tight.

But when you turn 25 and the whole of the universe shifts on its axis for you – and suddenly the world isn’t inviting you in or waiting for you – it isn’t carving out a spot for you or shaping the empty seat it’s been saving for you.

Now, you turned 27, you’re banging down the door of the world, ready to move in, ready to make your presence known. When you turn 27, you’re throwing and hosting and celebrating and starring in your own coming out party. When you turn 27, you may not know yourself completely, but you’re ready to. You’re ready with an ache and a desire and a yearning that was nowhere to be found or felt when you were 23 and 21 and 18. You’re ready in ways you didn’t even know you could be. You’re ready and willing – for the wrong things, for the right things, for all the things. Because you are finally ready to find them. And you’re finally ready to have them.  

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